dis-illusion


Hello 2012. got off to a great start. we had a party! well, kind of. it was better than a party. a bunch of great people came round to ours and we hung out, danced a wave, went into the sweat lodge to pray, let go of 2011 and dream forward into 2012, (we were in there at midnight! yay!) then broke out the bubbly and the food. i think fortune is definitely smiling on me this year cos we had an actual bona fide maid in the group who took care of various kitchen chores. thank you yasmyn!

At breakfast on new year's day, one of my friends told me i was her "practice guru". she had read my "practice practice practice" post in here, marveled at my discipline and wondered if she, too, might ever reach my lofty heights. I had to put her straight. That was then, and this is now. I haven't done that practice regime for, like, 3 or 4 weeks now. This is entirely typical of the jeanious and I'm writing today really to put this straight to anyone who might think like my friend did. yes, I do have times where I am really "good" and do my practice regular as clockwork. then, for some reason, usually an interruption in my routine caused by travel, and/or being on a really intense workshop with long hours or something, I stop doing it for a while. Inertia sets in and it will take a while for me to get back into the flow of it. And then it will usually be something different.

I am now officially beyond giving myself a hard time for this! doing practice is its own reward. not doing it is its own punishment. no need to add insult to injury by feeling bad about it! and if I'm in a phase of regular practice, no need to spoil it by feeling self important.

Funny the things that stick in my mind. I remember many years ago, being deeply impacted by something a teacher said. This was (and remains) a person I had masses of respect for. In a circle of students, this teacher said: "I am the most fucked up person that I know". That was a moment of wonderful dis-illusion for me and my world turned upside down ... in a good way! Since then, I find I don't trust anybody who would not be able to say the same thing about him or herself. And, I hope, say it with a smile and a twinkle in the eye!




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